Gone, just like a train.

A friend of mine died yesterday; his name was Frostbyte, more or less. Kevin, really, but I don't know that I ever called him that. I find that I don't know how to write about him. He irritated me no end, at times, and our lifestyles after he left tep were wholly dissimilar. But he was brilliant and messy and good, and I loved him, and I miss him now, the way one invariably does when it makes no difference. Last night a lot of old friends were brought together to mourn and celebrate; it seems right to thank them for that. We are lucky who know where to turn at such moments.

This story about a bus seems silly in comparison. But she had said: 'No, it's the opposite of silly,' and that's heartening. We are lucky too, whose only prisons we can write our way out of.

I always tell people I'll live to be 100, but I wonder.

Comments

[eric prebys]

i am truly hobbled. i don't remember things. my access to the past is through my email. and for 10 years my moment to moment has been in a large part catalogued and created on sub-zero.

i cried about rota/seth/dickguy there.

i had who knows how many dreams.

i became goznalej.

i fell in love, time after time. it was on sub-zero that i met the love of my life.

i feel such an ache for the thousands of emails i shared with frostbyte.

frostbyte provided this service as he did so many things: from a combination of the excitement of creating something that linked him to people and the desire to help in the way that he was most capable.

now, when i need it so desperately to help comprehend this loss, it is gone.

[Wax]

I feel like I should feel worse about worrying so much about my email. I mean, the email will be restored, so I'm told; I haven't even considered the possibility that it's all lost, just that I might not have it for a while.

You're right, though: Fbyte put a lot of time into such a small thing that meant a great deal to quite a few of us. I think I'm supposed to think of dead people and living people but right now all I want to know is, can I email eit? Can I talk to friends that way?

There's mourning happening and of all fucking things I'm worried I'm going to miss it.

[eric prebys]

for me sub-zero was never a small thing. i know, i'm a little silly about email. other people did fine maintaining email on their own. or not basically living their lives through email. but i couldn't have, for so many reasons that i've never bothered to think of.

i spent at least 4000 hours (probably more) actively making use of sub-zero. several gigabytes of email. many of which i've read dozens or hundreds of times.

i would rather lose every physical possesion i own than sub-zero. i'm sure i'll get the emails back, but not having access to it right now, when i would be taking refuge in it, scouring for his words and reminders of our interactions... it makes me feel powerless; i'll never come up with the thing that i've always been hoping i'd find that i'd be naturally gifted at in a way that i could do something for frostbyte and it could be something like sub-zero has been for me. and i'm not going to go back and make that sentence readable.

[eric prebys]

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111

[Tronster]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts....

Frostbyte was an awesome, unique, creative friend. I am still in disbelief since I heard the news.

Sub-zero had been down for awhile (a day before his death?) and I kept meaning to call up there and see what was up. But would have hated to say, "Hey Kevin, we haven't had a chance to talk in 6 months... what's up with sub-zero?" *sigh*

Utter disbelief.