Oh my God, this is really real. Kill me please.

Ladies and gentlemen, arguably the stupidest thing I've ever seen in the New York Times that wasn't written by Maureen Dowd or Judith 'Queen of all Fucking Iraq' Miller: the man date.

And thus a simple meal turns into social Stratego. Some men avoid dinner altogether unless the friend is coming from out of town or has a specific problem that he wants advice about. Otherwise, grabbing beers at a bar will do just fine, thank you.

Other men say dinners may be all right, but never brunch, although a post-hangover meal taking place during brunch hours is O.K. "The company at that point is purely secondary," explained Steven Carlson, 29, a public relations executive in Chicago.

Almost all men agree that beer and hard alcohol are acceptable man date beverages, but wine is risky. And sharing a bottle is out of the question. "If a guy wants to get a glass of wine, that's O.K.," said Rob Discher, 24, who moved to Washington from Dallas and has dinner regularly with his male roommate. "But there is something kind of odd about splitting a bottle of wine with a guy."

Other restaurant red flags include coat checks, busboys who ask, "Still or sparkling?" and candles, unless there is a power failure. All of those are fine, however, at a steakhouse. "Your one go-to is if you go and get some kind of meat product," explained James Halow, 28, who works for a leveraged buyout firm in San Francisco.

Cooking for a friend at home violates the man date comfort zone for almost everyone, with a possible exemption for grilling or deep-frying. "The grilling thing would take away the majority of the stigma because there is a masculine overtone to the grill," Mr. Discher said.

So let's review: America is a nation is of pathetic insecure homophobes unable to attain a level of intimacy with one another unless hard liquor and meat products are involved - and for some reason the NYTimes thinks this ridiculous article constitutes news? Even for the 'Fashion' section, which admittedly is a blight on society's record of intelligence, this is soul- and brain-sucking.

I am awed, my friends. And no, this didn't run on April 1st either. Please, please, please someone kill these people, all of them.

Comments

[Emily]

I guess they'll all just miss out on dinner with Andre.

[Wax]

Five minutes in the geek box for Em!!